


how to take care of yourself | A Guide Absolutely Not Written by Edward Elric or Roy Mustang

by nsamhade



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, but like, ed's complete inability to take care of himself, i kind of did whatever i wanted, okay so this is after the promised day, rated for ed's gratuitous swearing, roy why do you only work after midnight, so AU, utterly self indulgent as per usual, what do you mean i like domestic bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 03:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6888943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nsamhade/pseuds/nsamhade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seriously, who let these two out on their own and why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how to take care of yourself | A Guide Absolutely Not Written by Edward Elric or Roy Mustang

**Author's Note:**

> Ed in the first chapter is eighteen, and gets older from there, and Roy is thirty. I'm all about healthy relationships, and the age difference as well as the power dynamic was a hang up for me, so a lot of this story is actually about finding a healthy balance, and exploring how it could work.

_About a year after the promised day, it’s near the end of May, 1916._

 

Roy didn't realize that it was so late until he had to pause in his paperwork because his eyes were burning. The wall clock had somehow ticked past midnight and with a start, Roy realized he was alone in the office and the heat must have turned down automatically at eleven because it was freezing.

He grumbled in annoyance, because he'd finally been getting into a groove and if he didn't go home to sleep, it would only come back to haunt him the next day. Leaning back with a groan, Roy cracked his back and guzzled some water that had been abandoned on the corner of his desk hours before. His mouth felt like a desert, and his stomach was squeezing with hunger pains.

Shit, he'd forgotten dinner.

The desk chair rolled back as he got up, rubbing his wrists ruefully and making at least some attempt to stack the leftover paperwork into semi-orderly piles for the next day. Riza would at least be happy, he'd done more than expected, sinking into that mindless state of working that allowed him to focus for hours.

Roy swayed on his feet.

All the blood rushed back into his legs and now that he was up, exhaustion crashed by into him. He'd been awake at six after all, it wasn't surprising that he'd be exhausted after an eighteen hour day, even if that day was spent in a desk chair.

The brigadier-general glanced back ruefully. He was going to become one of those out of shape high-ranking officers if he wasn't careful. It was easy to get out of touch with the reality of the field agents in such a cushy place. Safety bred complacency after all.

Running a hand through wild black hair, Roy just pushed in his chair and grabbed his bag to head home. Calling a car was probably for the best this late, Riza would make an attempt on his life if she knew he'd just walked home without protection. Yawning, Roy mentally reordered his evening for the drive home, a quick dinner and shower, then bed. He'd probably come in a little later the next morning, it was Friday after all, and he didn't have any morning meetings.

Except for.

Roy paused, squinting back at his desk blearily.

Hadn't there been something he was waiting for, now that he thought about it. Normally he wouldn't stay so late, but he'd sent Riza home because he'd been waiting for… Fullmetal! He was supposed to get back from assignment that day and hand in his report. In fact, he should have been back by eight at the latest.

Roy frowned, and stomped out of his office. If Fullmetal had decided to screw about and leave him waiting again, there would be hell to pay. The idiot had only gotten worse since Al had started staying back, caught up with university and physical therapy. Roy had even tried to keep his assignments in the city, so as not to keep them too far apart.

Sighing, Roy decided to just go home.

A weird creaking noise stopped him halfway through the outer office. Immediately, Roy tensed, swinging with his gloves in one hand and a firearm in the other. It was only paranoia if it was unfounded after all.

Instead, Roy was struck silent at the sight of the Fullmetal alchemist laid out on the floor like a bag of potatoes. The gloves went back in his pocket immediately, safety back on as Roy swept across the room. Elric was breathing, if shallowly, and seemed feverish.

"Fullmetal." Roy said, turning him to check for wounds. He appeared fine, his clothes weren't even dirty, or ripped, putting him in significantly better condition than usual. Was it poison? Was he sick? "Fullmetal!" This was accompanied by a vigorous shake.

Ed's eyes fluttered and his head lolled back.

Roy very nearly panicked on the spot, making a distressed noise in the back of his throat before taking a deep breath.

"Elric, are you there?" He asked, trying to keep his voice steady and reassuring.

"M'stng?" Ed mumbled, struggling weakly to crane his neck. Roy deftly supported his subordinate's head, fingers sinking into a wealth of blond hair. "Wha- where'm I?" His voice grated with disuse and Roy had to fight down the urge to get water, stroke his head and help all at the same time.

"The office, I found you on the floor. Are you poisoned, or sick?" He asked clearly, and slower than he normally would.

It seemed to take Ed a second to understand the question, but then he shook his head.

"No, to b'th. Just..." Ed petered off, face going slack to stare blankly at the wall for a good ten seconds before he blinked rapidly. "T'red. Sat d'wn f'r a s'c'nd, then you." Succinct enough, Roy supposed.

"When was the last time you slept?" Roy asked, feeling increasingly frustrated.

"Uh, th'train? F'r a bit?"

"And when did you eat?" Or have water.

"Uh.."

Fullmetal didn't have an answer to that. The voice that sounded like Ed was inhaling gravel suddenly made much more sense.

"I have food at my house, it's a quick drive." If Ed was going to protest, it was lost to what Roy suspected was low blood pressure and exhaustion. Roy waffled on the decision. He should probably just deliver Edward back to his brother, who would be able to deal with this better than Roy knew how.

But he hesitated.

Screw it, he'd just feed Elric and then call Alphonse to inform him of his brother's whereabouts. Roy would feel better knowing that Fullmetal was healthy and awake.

Roy was right, the drive back was quick and discreet. The driver barely taking a second glance after Roy said 'long day, fell asleep' as explanation for Fullmetal. Roy tapped his fingers against Ed's head, then grimaced and bounced his knee, and then took a deep breath and stopped both, glancing down at Ed's face.

The little idiot was heavier than he looked. Roy had picked him up before, a few times even, but it had been over a year and Ed had gained height and bulk and, apparently, even heavier automail.

Streetlights glanced across his face, highlighting the sharp jawline and long, pale eyelashes. Ed was a striking individual, whether in the middle of an argument, reading, or passed out awkwardly on his C.O.'s lap. The intermittent, bright lights only served to make that image slightly more ethereal. Roy looked out the window, watching darkened storefronts flash by and melt into suburbs and then they finally pulled up in front of his house.

"Thank you, have a good night." Roy said politely and then clambered out of the car, staggering under the dead weight of Ed up to his front door.

Roy was suddenly cursing the loss of muscle tone from his desk job even more than usual.

Pulling an impressive stunt to juggle a fully grown adult male on one arm and get out his keys, Roy finally jiggled his front door open, practically kicking it in to get two arms back around Ed and slam it shut behind him. He could relock it in a second.

Roy stumbled over the threshold, thinking rather hysterically that this was not how he'd imagined this moment going.

Not that he'd imagined carrying Fullmetal over the threshold of his house, but it was the principle of the thing.

Elric flopped onto the couch with little to no fanfare, falling in a windmill of arms as Roy sank down next to him with a heartfelt groan, shaking out his numb arms. The idiot barely stirred at the rough treatment, which made Roy even more nervous than carrying him had.

Leaving him to sleep for a little longer, Roy walked off to root through his cabinets and shake up some food. He had some protein bars, which he usually ate for breakfast. Those would do it. Also a glass of water. He grabbed three bars and walked back, shedding his uniform jacket, aiguillettes, pocket-watch and boots in a stream behind him.

“Fullmetal.” He said, shaking his subordinate's knee. “Fullmetal, wake up, I have food." As if that was the magic word, Ed's eyes snapped open.

Well, as sprightly as they were going to, meaning Roy got barely there gold slits. But they were open.

Good enough.

Deftly pulling off the wrapper, Roy shoved the food in Edward's mouth.

"Eat." He said. The poor guy nearly choked, but chewed doggedly. "And drink some water, you're probably dehydrated."

Ed got through his mouthful and then managed to slop some water on his face and collar, even with Roy holding the glass. This was why he shouldn't be allowed to take care of other people. Roy was a military officer, not a nursemaid, and there was a good reason for that distinction.

At least he was better than Riza.

Roy helped Ed into a sitting position, having more success with the drinking effort like that.

Yeah, Riza had a weird conception of human kindness.

"S'enough." Ed croaked, turning his head away from the glass. Roy set it back down, pressing the bar into Ed's hands. The next few minutes passed with the sound of chewing as Ed demolished the protein bars and glass of water, already looking better for it. Color was coming back into his skin and he looked more alert, leaning towards sleepiness instead of unconsciousness.

"I'll get you some blankets, take the couch for tonight, Fullmetal. I'll call your brother and tell him where you are." Roy stated, already standing and trying to ignore the feeling of loss at Edward's body heat against his side.

"Mm." There wasn't even a token protest, Elric was already sinking back against the cushions, barely awake.

Roy grabbed his spare quilt and a pillow, tossing them on top of Ed in passing before flipping off the light and padding into the entryway to call Alphonse. The boy answered on the first ring, which probably meant he'd been sitting awake waiting for his brother to get home. Roy glanced back, slightly guilty he hadn't called earlier, had probably been worried sick.

"Hi Alphonse, it's Mustang."

"Oh, Roy. Do you need something?" Al sounded tired, but pleasant enough.

"Sorry I didn't call earlier, Ed is at my house. He was sleeping in the office and I wasn't aware until a little while ago. My apologies for worrying you." There was a relieved sigh on the other end of the line. Or Roy thought it was relieved, it might've been annoyed, Alphonse could experience many feelings at once.

"It's no problem, thank you for calling. I take it he's staying at your place tonight?" He asked.

"Yes. I'll send him back in the morning when he's had some sleep and food, it looks like he needs it." Alphonse made a funny little noise that could have been exasperation.

"I bet he forgot to take care of himself again. Sorry for troubling you, Roy. Thanks again. Get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning." Al said.

"Will do, you as well. Good night." And Roy ended the call and stumbled across the flat to his own room, barely putting on some pajamas before collapsing into bed, for once passing out in about five minutes without a single dream to keep him company.

Morning came way too soon, the alarm going off, quiet and only repeating about three times before Roy turned it off with a groan, turning his face further into the pillows. His mouth tasted like garbage and it felt like he'd driven a truck into his face multiple times. Always a good way to start the day.

With a start, Roy remembered his surprise company downstairs and as it was all of six in the morning, he was certain Fullmetal was still dead to the world. Movement from the idiot would have woken him, anyway.

Roy tripped out of bed, shuffling across the floor to get downstairs and make some coffee and breakfast. Elric or no Elric, he had a routine and the routine could not be broken.

The tiny part of Roy that had been sure Elric would have escaped the second he was able calmed down at the sight of the alchemist sprawled on his couch. He really did look a million times better after some food and sleep, losing that horrible stillness and ashen color. And he had uncurled at some point in the night, kicking off his boots and extra layers, the blanket barely clinging to his hips and one arm brushing the ground.

The picture of poise and grace was the people’s alchemist.

Roy rolled his eyes and went to make coffee, feeling much calmer than before.

Cups rattled against the counter, the coffee maker percolating. Roy cracked the kitchen window, basking in the fresh air of late spring before grabbing more water and setting it down next to Fullmetal’s head, who still made no sign that he was reentering the world of the living any time soon.

With that, Roy wandered off to take a shower, the cool air of early morning whispering against bare feet. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day, and Roy enjoyed the promise of a Friday night spent outside, possibly working on that new array he’d been studying.

The shower was quick, in and out, and Roy made even faster work of shaving and brushing his teeth. Wrapping a towel around his hips and scrubbing one through his hair, Roy padded back to the kitchen to check on the coffee. It’s aroma had filled the whole apartment and Roy let out a sigh of appreciation, humming under his breath.

“Wow, colonel, you look like you’re enjoying yourself.” Roy froze, and he would have dropped his towel had it not been secured against his shoulders.

He looked over his shoulder to find Fullmetal propped up on his elbows with a shit-eating grin on his face. Roy’s brain nearly bent in half attempting to understand that Edward Elric on his elbows with his hair spilling across his shoulders and his shirt riding up with those god-awful leather pants did a nice picture make.

Roy swallowed reflexively, clearing his throat.

“Well, you were at least halfway to a coma, so I figured I had a short time before I had to deal with you awake.” He answered, reveling in the eye twitch the short comment received.

“Bastard.” Elric snapped, but it sounded almost fond. Roy rolled his eyes and walked the rest of the way to the kitchen, pouring freshly made coffee into the two mugs waiting on the counter.

“Mm, well doesn’t that smell fucking amazing.” Roy nearly leapt out of his skin, a squeaking noise strangled halfway up his throat. Fullmetal’s answering laughter was horrible, as was his presence leaning past Roy’s shoulder to grab the larger mug.

Which was his. Rude.

“Oh, don’t be so sensitive, colonel.” Elric laughed, the fingers of his automail pressing into the bare skin of Roy’s shoulder before he let go to prowl around the cupboards for sugar. “I bet you keep sugar in one of those fancy-ass dishes don’t you, what a bastard.”

Roy didn’t, actually. He was lazy and just left the bag with a spoon in it.

“Brigadier-general, Fullmetal, and no, I don’t. It’s in the cupboard to your left, there’s a spoon inside.” Elric laughed when he saw the more or less torn open bag of sugar, delighted.

“I don’t know what I was imagining your place to be like, but this fits, somehow.” Roy glanced around, shrugging.

“I don’t invite many people back here, it isn’t supposed to be fancy.” Elric cracked open a gleaming gold eye, sweeping it over Roy’s body and then tilted his head.

“Huh.” And that was it, no elaboration or anything, he just went back to blowing on his coffee after adding his usual obscene amount of sugar.

Roy ignored him and returned to his room to put on clothing instead of just standing around in a towel like he usually would. Ten minutes later, Mustang finally finished tugging his uniform into place, styled his hair and then moisturized the shit out of his face before feeling presentable again.

There was a whistle as he walked out.

“Look at that, you wouldn’t even know about the fucking cowlicks.” Roy was beginning to seriously regret bringing Fullmetal back to his house.

“I do sleep sometimes, Fullmetal.” And wasn’t that just the perfect segue. “Speaking of which, care to explain why I found you passed out on the floor of my office last night, or would you prefer I start guessing?” Elric nearly winced, suddenly finding anywhere but his face decidedly interesting.

“I just fell asleep, must’ve fallen off a chair or something.” Roy raised an eyebrow and Elric shoved his hands in his pockets. “I was- I got distracted researching, normally Al reminds me to eat before it’s a problem.”

Now that Roy thought about it, Alphonse had complained about something like that once or twice.

“That doesn’t explain why you passed out.”

Elric looked inexplicably annoyed. But that was fine, he could be irritated, Roy needed to know if there was a problem as his commanding officer, and as a friend besides. Seeing that Roy wasn’t going to give up, Fullmetal huffed and crossed his arms.

“Automail requires a large amount of energy to stay functional, and I have two limbs, so I need 2.73 times the number of calories a normal person does for my size. Not to mention doing heavily cerebral and physical work is also draining. If I don’t eat often enough, my blood sugar will get really low and I’ll pass out.” Fullmetal explained. Roy thought about that.

“Has this happened often since Alphonse stopped working as your partner all the time?”

Elric’s lack of an answer was telling and the thought of him slumped on the ground in the middle of nowhere with nobody to help flashed through Roy’s mind. It took root almost immediately, anxiety creeping through Roy’s thoughts.

And Roy even understood why the other alchemist had never mentioned it. What was Roy supposed to do about it other than worry? And Ed couldn’t just expect Al to drop his life so he could mother his older brother.

“I wonder if you could set an alarm or something, just to remind you of time passing.”

It would hopefully keep things like seeing his subordinate collapsed on the floor from happening, which had scared years off of Roy’s lifespan. Ed, who had been watching him with an increasingly blank expression looked surprised, annoyed, and then thoughtful all in rapid succession.

“Wow, that’s actually helpful. Miracles do happen.” _Brat_.

“And here’s another miracle, you can get dressed and come to the office on time to give me the report you should have given me yesterday.” Mustang said, smirking as he yanked on the boots by the door.

“ _Bastard_.”

**Author's Note:**

> I desperately wanted to name this story, Roy in a Jacket Cape. It will forever live on in my heart.
> 
> I'm significantly more interested in plants than consistent updates. If you're desperate, however, may I direct you to my writing tumblr, metaboba.tumblr.com. Or my main one, namisflowershop, I don't know your life.


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